I tap in the numbers on the keypad by the door.

I turn the handle and I walk into the hall.

My eyes alight, briefly, on the stylish spiral staircase that ends in the bedroom that I once shared with my husband.

I turn my head to the left and I survey the living room. It was never really lived in. It’s an inappropriate name.

All the action took place in the family room, the kitchen, or the rec room in the basement where the kids hung out with friends.

Those were filled with noise and laughter. Filled with music. Filled with chatter. But today they’re filled with silence and a slightly musty smell.

The house is on the market – so I open up the windows. I let the fresh air in, and shoo the memories away. This used to be my home; but now I feel like an…

Today, May 18th, was finally the first day or real warm weather in NY (don’t worry tomorrow it may snow).

So I decided to wear a shirt that used to be my mom’s.

My mom was a fashionista. She loved, adored clothing, bags and especially shoes. That’s probably why I don’t care much about any of those.

I gave away most of her clothes to people in need but I kept some stuff, mostly the clothes she was wearing the last few months before passing because that’s how I remember her.

Some clothes I kept for myself. My mom and I had 2 totally different styles. I am preppy and she was more extravagant. Maybe not exactly extravagant but she didn’t like the classic look, she liked to stand out, maybe not even that, she liked to have style. She looked great in whatever she wore and she had a…

Events occur in life that divide time into before and after. This was one of those.

Before this seizure, there was worry. After this seizure, there was fear. Real fear. Strong fear. The kind of fear that haunts your thoughts and jerks you awake.

My son and I saw the life leaving Rose. The term SUDEP had not been coined yet. Death by seizure was not widely talked about then. Folks still believed in tongue swallowing.

We know what we saw. I have been told that my panicked beating on the back may have served as haphazard CPR. I was aware of nothing but Rose in those long minutes.

I know I am sharing a nightmare with parents who have had their own, so I must be honest. The level of concern in our lives was raised that evening and has never returned to the previous level. We fight the…