Our most powerful memories have associated feelings. Sometimes these are positive, and sometimes negative. Traumatic memories are often very painful, intense, overwhelming, and usually negative.

What else do we know about traumatic memories, and how are they different from more ordinary ones? In summary:

1. These memories are carved deeply into the person’s brain. Thus, they leave frozen imprints which do not get updated. This is very different from our non-traumatic memories which are fluid and dynamic, and tend to change with time

3. Traumatic memories are resistant to new evidence. This is true even when the individual can agree with the new information being presented to them.

Although it logically makes sense, it still cannot overpower and change the old, entrenched reactions and beliefs. The reason is these deeply ingrained memories are believed, and the brain is trying to protect us from real harm.

4. That is, the body…

“At the heart of any real intimacy is a certain vulnerability. It is hard to trust someone with your vulnerability unless you can see in them a matching vulnerability, and know that you will not be judged.” – Rachel Remmen

This is one reason why we feel so alone when we’re living with trauma, or betrayal trauma.

We feel as if the world either pulls back from us … or exercises judgment … or tells us what to do (as it showers us with unhelpful and unwanted advice).

And none of these responses are compassionate responses.

This doesn’t help at all; we only feel misunderstood.

We just feel under pressure to “shut up” and “move on”.

It leaves us feeling worse; it slowly eats away at hope. There’s no-one there to listen so we bear it on our own.

We’ve lived with shock and…

So my high functioning 9 years old who generally speaking hates most sports asked to try ice skating. I jumped on it.
We had a first lesson with a veteran ice skating coach who seemed right out of the military.

Apparently during the session my son kept on expressing that he was scared.
At the end of the lesson the coach comes to me and tells me:”your son kept on using the F word”

I was shocked, literally my mouth was in a O shape … my son doesn’t curse! I guess he saw my indignation and he mouthed: “Fear”… then went on saying that he doesn’t want to hear fear from him.
I took it all in for a few days then I texted him saying that we will probably try another coach next week. He asked why and I explained the HFA issue and that the fact that…