Attachment Styles in Relationships

Don't Lose Hope

Hazan & Shaver[1] have identified four intimate adult attachment styles. It can be helpful to relate this to ourselves and our partner when there’s been betrayal or a breach of trust.

The four attachment styles are: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant.

They can be described as follows:

1. Securely attached: These adult partners will generally be trusting, trustworthy, available to their partner, and have a balanced healthy self-esteem. Generally, they do not fear abandonment, don’t expect to be rejected, or fear they might lose love. Thus, they accept, and are comfortable with, themselves, and they let their partner be themselves as well. They view themselves and their partner in a realistic way, and are optimistic about the life they share. Finally, they are able to balance their need for independence with a healthy need for intimacy.

2. Anxious-preoccupied: These partners worry that their partners will abandon or…

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