Please be aware that some of the content may be triggering. Please take care 💚

The last few weeks (probably longer) have been really tough mentally. My thoughts have been everywhere. I feel lost. I don’t feel connected to anyone. I just feel like I don’t know what to do or who to turn to. This has meant things have felt chaotic.

I am trying so hard to be OK. So hard not to burden everyone. So hard to just keep going. But I’m failing. Things I shouldn’t do have been appealing and led to some questionable decisions. This means I’m just making things worse. Self harm is a part of my daily life anyway but it’s more appealing and more of a need. I’ve contacted someone who has hurt me in the past and he’s making me uncomfortable. I feel lost in this world.

I am also trying to…

NEVER-ENDING-VERSE Come quiet. Come vigilant. Come true. Come alone, intuit what you should do. Do not make an effort. Do not stir a thought. Truth breathes wisdom, in Divinity of all. Open heart. unconscious mind. Listen to the mystical cues you find. Time is lost and not, as it has been. When co creating, with our *Awen*. Milking insights, of primal surrender. whisperings of Cambrian ancestors. It’s quite unbelievable and absurd. How many ignore their ‘writing’ words. There be a thread of quivering sound, slipping of knots, into stitches around. Scribbling sentiments like wild hunters, or lightening strikes, when it thunders. It’s a taste of brilliance, sewn in colours. Rainbows imposed on top of the other. Focus in contemplation. All you will; when Awen holds your magical quill. Weavers of Cymru indigenous tales. Blessed be, our Awenyddion of Wales. Victoria…

On November 23, 2009 I sent my first blog posting over the amateur radio airwaves, now 11 years 966 postings, with 915 followers and over 106,000 hits later I think I have reached the end of the road.

Yes I know I have been long absent from my blog of late but I have a good reason…..depression and I can trace the trigger’s for this dark state to two things, my physical health and watching my country become a third world nation.

These are not idle or over the top assumptions… when you add up my weight gain because I quit smoking, cataracts, a weak heart a dead gallbladder, and COPD we have the foundation for one very dark cloud, but wait there’s more….

We once had a populace that was proud to be called American, maybe because those who lived here thought it was worth the effort and sacrifice…