Today, May 18th, was finally the first day or real warm weather in NY (don’t worry tomorrow it may snow).

So I decided to wear a shirt that used to be my mom’s.

My mom was a fashionista. She loved, adored clothing, bags and especially shoes. That’s probably why I don’t care much about any of those.

I gave away most of her clothes to people in need but I kept some stuff, mostly the clothes she was wearing the last few months before passing because that’s how I remember her.

Some clothes I kept for myself. My mom and I had 2 totally different styles. I am preppy and she was more extravagant. Maybe not exactly extravagant but she didn’t like the classic look, she liked to stand out, maybe not even that, she liked to have style. She looked great in whatever she wore and she had a…

Events occur in life that divide time into before and after. This was one of those.

Before this seizure, there was worry. After this seizure, there was fear. Real fear. Strong fear. The kind of fear that haunts your thoughts and jerks you awake.

My son and I saw the life leaving Rose. The term SUDEP had not been coined yet. Death by seizure was not widely talked about then. Folks still believed in tongue swallowing.

We know what we saw. I have been told that my panicked beating on the back may have served as haphazard CPR. I was aware of nothing but Rose in those long minutes.

I know I am sharing a nightmare with parents who have had their own, so I must be honest. The level of concern in our lives was raised that evening and has never returned to the previous level. We fight the…

So last night we went out with 2 other couples. Was a last minute thing.

Where we live there are a lot of Jewish young couples and they all know each other.

The restaurant that was picked was full of these couples and it was basically one big party.

Our table had 3 couples:

An extremely wealthy, smart, self made woman with her husband (who was actually related to me).

A horny jeweler married to a girl 10 years younger. His wealth level is not completely known but he is definitely doing ok with a $180k watch at his wrist.

And husband and I.

We were probably the least “wealthy” for not saying the in other words.

The wives were wearing both very expensive jewelry, had perfectly manicured hands.

I was wearing my Zanetti shoes which used to impress people, lol, not in this group of people.

I have some…

Please be aware that some of the content may be triggering. Please take care 💚

I say to you I’m tired. And I am. I’m tired of life. I’m tired of my head. I’m tired of everything I cannot change. I’m tired of fighting.

I say I’m tired. And I am. But I’m hiding behind it. I’m not sure what I feel. I don’t have the capacity to know or understand my feelings so I’m tired will have to do as I’m too tired to work it out.

I’m tired. I’m exhausted. My body and mind don’t want to work. My head is thumping. My limbs are aching. Sleep doesn’t help. I want to be in bed. I want to give up. I want to hide away.

I’m tired. Of being a burden. Of being a failure. Of being a no good human being. Of being the worst of everything…

“Trust starts with truth, and ends with truth.”

1. If you lie and choose to break your partner’s trust, he or she may never fully trust you again. The damage will depend on how major the lie is … But often the effects will be serious and long-lasting …

For how can you determine if they’re lying in the future? You were hood-winked in the past so it could happen once again.

2. Once trust has been broken, things can never be the same. There will always be a tiny hairline crack in the mirror. You can’t reverse the damage, or eradicate all traces. The facts are still the facts, and the memories remain.

3. Betrayal stops a person from equating trust and love. Now, trust has to be earned, and it must be verified. A person has to prove they are worthy of your love. Saying “